So generally I am pretty OK with being the Male bodied Female energised human being I identify and present in but every now and again the thought pattern of am I really being who I want to be comes up.
The most difficult times is when I am going to a nice social event, a family gathering or when I am actually wanting to have a nice coffee date.
Who do I present, what clothes do I wear, shall I wear makeup and how will I do my hair? It's hard work dressing two people in the one body. Haha
Am I actually in denial, possibly resisting, what would my life be like if I really did go ahead and transition? How would I navigate my life, who would leave and who would remain?
I am extremely fortunate to have lots of love and support from family and friends, so I honestly do not need to worry in that department thank God! The question is would I really fully support myself and could I handle it mentally if I did?
I did a lot of research about a year ago and spoke to some wonderful people at the Gender Gp service UK. They told me all about the hormone treatment, all about the process of how things work and that the journey is not for everybody.
It all made sense to me, I totally understood everything I was told and decided to leave things as they are, at least I thought I had lol.
I am currently studying a very in depth mindset developing programme which has a lot to do with our self image. It is really making me look at who I really am as a person and how do I really feel about myself?
Do not get me wrong it is not a bad thing in any sort of way, after all the reason I am doing the programme is to find these answers out so that I can fully enjoy and be the person I was created to be in my own understanding.
The question is, am I brave enough to be the person of my own understanding??